You guys, this elf on the shelf bullshit. I am STRUGGLING this year. Actually, scratch that, I struggle with it every year. I love the IDEA of the elf, and I love watching my kids look for our elf, "Bob", every morning. However, I DO NOT love waking up, in the middle of the night, to a full-blown panic attack, because I cannot remember if I moved the stupid fucking elf. It's a busy time of year, and I'm juggling a lot at one time, so it's easy to see how I could forget to move the thing, since I have so much other stuff going on, and also, wine. It's a perfect storm of events for me and the elf. I've also come to notice, that much like birthing a child, having the capability to move the elf falls solely on the adult figure in the home who possesses a vagina. I know my husband is aware of the elf's existence, but I'm not entirely sure if he realizes that it's not actually magical, and I am the one to move Bob's ass every night. I wonder how many people bring up the elf in marriage counseling. I can see how it's a real source of resentment and contention. Ten more nights of this thing ruining my life, and my marriage. Ten. More. Nights. 

What's to drink (and eat)....

You guys are on your own this week with food and drink. I ate a bag of beef jerky for dinner two nights ago. True story. Cheers!

Working on my blog (or not)....

Since this blog is my own "business", and I am HBIC (head bitch in charge), I am shutting down shop for the remainder of the year. Maybe I'll do some soul-searching about what I want for IPOATGS (In pursuit of all the good stuff, this website, and the worst acronym, ever). Maybe I'll start a vision board, or set some goals for 2017. Or maybe I'll just eat, drink, enjoy my family, and all the good stuff that Christmas brings. I hope you do the same. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year, you animals. Thank you for reading. I appreciate it, more than you could ever know. 

Wishing you ALL the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara

P.S. To the lady in the Acme parking lot, who I saw climbing into AND over her passenger seat/side of the car, because the car next to hers was parked so close that she couldn't get into the driver's side, I am so sorry. I am totally willing to admit that I am that asshole, although I am really hoping you are some out-of-towner, who was just really compelled to visit the New Providence Acme on a Wednesday afternoon. Happy holidays. 

You know, when I first had a child I assumed that one day I would sleep again. I was wrong. For you seasoned veteran parents, I know you know what I'm talking about. My children are 9 and almost 4, which means that I have not gone a full week without being woken up at night in.... 9 years. We do have some good nights here and there, but at least a few nights of the week someone is waking me up because of a bad dream, or a wet pull-up, an "I hear something", or sometimes just to say hi because they got up to take a wiz. As you can imagine, I am particularly thrilled when the for-no-good-reason-drop-in-to-say-hi at 2:16 am occurs. And while all this waking in the night happens on the regular, I feel compelled to tell you two things about it that I feel are a common sentiment for us Mommy folk. 

1. I fucking hate it. 
2. I'm pretty sure my husband has no idea.

In the case of #2, that is a "most of the time" thing. Like say, 98% of the time. He has no clue. And they never go to him for anything, or to say hi at 3:47 am. I don't get it. But I WILL give credit, where credit is deserved, because on Monday morning, at 1:30 am, when there was a loud crashing sound coming from downstairs, my husband DID wake, and I DID send him down to potentially get murdered investigate what I thought MAY have been a deranged killer that crashed through one of our windows. It ends up, it was JUST our Christmas tree plowing into our dining room table. But, if it WAS a deranged killer that crashed through the windows, it would have been on Tommy to deal with it. I figure it's only fair since I deal with the other 98% of middle of the night happenings. The most important thing being that our Christmas tree, Tommy, and our marriage survived. For now. 


What's to drink....

I mean, what girl on this earth doesn't love a good accessory? And this old time favorite comes with it's own winter jacket! Seriously, the French are so fancy. Veuve Clicquot's "ice jacket" with nifty handle will keep your bottle of bubbly cold, for up to 2 hours. It's stylish, functional, and delicious. The only thing I don't love, it's going to run you about $45. I'm trying to figure out if it's tacky to use the ice jacket for other bottles. I'd hate to walk into a party and have it come to a screeching halt, because everyone is so excited I've brought a good bottle of champagne, only to find out it's some kind of shitty sparkling wine. I'm going to have to think on that one more. In the meantime, treat yourself and your guests to a bottle of Veuve and it's fancy french ice jacket. Cheers! 

Veuve Clicquot

What's to eat....

I said that I'm not going to do a lot of cooking this month, but I figured I had to do some. The idea was, what can I come up with that is healthy, delicious, and just a bunch of shit I could throw into one pot. Enter the "egg roll in a bowl". This was super easy, quick, and delish. It's a paleo recipe, for you cave people, but I used regular soy sauce, because that coconut aminos shit isn't soy sauce, and soy sauce is good. I will not lie, and say you won't miss the crunchy, fried, wonton, because I would absolutely be blowing smoke up your ass, but your jeans will be happier with this version. Enjoy. 

Egg Roll in a Bowl - I did not realize this was a shitty picture. Sorry, tastes better than it looks. 

http://paleofoodiekitchen.com/2016/09/eggroll-in-a-bowl/

Working on my winter must haves....

'Tis the season for celebrating, eating, and drinking but with all that good stuff comes some not so good stuff. Here are a few antidotes for the season that will, if it hasn't already, beat on your body.

Between the forced air heat, the salty treats, and booze, my skin is basically at a point that it's cracking and going to fall off completely. This stuff is cheap as hell and works like a charm. Slap some on your body. You'll love. 

This is quite possibly the least sexy thing I've ever written about, but it works. So I feel like I should tell you guys. I've been using this stuff and it has kept me from getting sick, AND when I did get sick, it was for like 3 days instead of 7 or 10. I am a little concerned that it's some kind of gateway drug or something...or that I may become addicted. I once used nasal spray to quit smoking, it was quite weird, because I wasn't smoking, but I was shooting myself up with nasal spray an awful lot. This is not like that, but it will burn the hell out of your nose. The negatives WAY outweigh being sick. If you see me on the streets using this, I will retract my statement, for now, I'm going with it. Also, I realize I am jinxing myself and I will be on death's door tomorrow. 

And last, but not least, for your corpse skin, is Loreal's pure clay masks. I've only used the detox and brighten one so far, but I really like it. It's less than $10 and will make your skin look and feel like you haven't been downing soy sauce and expensive French Champagne. I especially enjoy slapping this stuff on, walking downstairs, and scaring the shit out of my kids. Good for my pores, easy on my wallet, and keeps my kids on their toes.

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara 

PS - I realize this looks like an ad for a bunch of products. It's not. Nobody wants to pay a foul-mouthed person to promote their stuff. Total crock of shit. 

It's the last month of 2016....

WHERE the hell did THAT go? The years seem to be speeding up exponentially over here. It's such a strange phenomenon to experience time at warp speed once you're over the age of 30 something. I (hopefully, fingers crossed, I don't want to jinx myself) get to celebrate another birthday this month, but more importantly, we have Christmas to look forward to, and two days AFTER Christmas is Kelsey's 4th birthday. I feel like I'm on drugs. It was JUST summer, my baby was JUST a baby, I was, like 32 years-old, like 3 weeks ago. Sorta, kinda. I'm appreciative that there is not much time to dwell on another year passing by so fast. There is too much to be done, magic to be made, and lots of good stuff to look forward to in the next month. I hope you're not freaking out about the impending new year. As they say, it beats the shit out of the alternative.

What' to drink....

I realize it may not be gin and tonic season, but I've never been one to discriminate against alcohol, just because it's not the right time of year. It's always the right time, as far as I'm concerned. This gin, you guys, I want to douse myself in this stuff. It smells so good, so floral and lovely. While I don't mind the off-season G & T, I don't really love all the sugar in the tonic, so I do a little splash of tonic AND a splash of club. It cuts the sweetness, and cuts the calories, which we could all use this time of year, so that we may spend said saved calories on some other delicious shit. Throw in a lime or lemon, and you have a phenomenal drink that you can enjoy at any time of the day year. Up side to drinking tonic, you won't get malaria. I see no reason to not imbibe. It's good for your health, after all. Cheers!

The Botanist Gin

What's to eat....

In keeping up with the holiday hustle and bustle, I think I'm going to designate this month's food portions to holiday appetizer/short-cuts/holy shit this stuff is so good, kinda things. I'm going to do my BEST to keep things really simple all around this month. So, imagine this stuff, some really great crackers or pita chips, a wheel of brie, and me, in absolute heaven. I try to have this on hand around the holidays because it's got a little something for everyone. It's got a kick, so if you don't like spicy, go easy. For me, I like just enough to have my eyes tearing, but not so much that I am going into full-blown cardiac arrest. Trader Joe's has so many good finds. This is one of them. 

Trader Joe's Hot and Sweet Chili Jam

Working on my Thanksgiving Recap/Theories....

I know we have moved onto bigger and better things, here, but I think there are a few things worth mentioning for the future. 

1. Best Turkey recipe - Goes to Martha Stewart. My turkey came out damn good. This is no surprise as you baste the bird with a mix of 3 sticks of butter and an entire bottle of wine. The smell alone had me all hot and bothered. It's good stuff. If you need a new turk recipe. This is it. 
http://www.marthastewart.com/353184/perfect-roast-turkey 

2. I shouldn't bake. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I always forget ONE thing. This year's thing...I forgot to peel the friggin' apples for the apple crisp. It's not SO bad, I guess, but it kinda had a chokey texture to it. Like the peels were coming off before you chewed it completely, and it may or may not cause some variation of asphyxiation at any point in time. The ice cream helped a bit, but it was definitely an "eat-at-your-own-risk" kinda situation.

3. My Grandmother makes better gravy than you. That's right, my Gram. This lady showed up to my house on Thanksgiving, all ready to be put to work. Her and my Mother helped me, tremendously. But this gravy thing is her best work. It's a thing of beauty. I explained to her that she is not allowed to die, ever, because we will never eat good gravy again. She is happy to comply. 

Moral of the story, wine and butter make everything better. I could have killed someone with my apple crisp, and I should probably stick to buying baked goods. Grandmas are the BEST, and Thanksgiving, like life, is not a one man show. 

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara 


P.S. I drove a loaner minivan for a week, while my car was in the shop. I found myself driving 10 mph over the speed limit, and taking turns at a fast clip to compensate for the "un-coolness" of the whole thing. Then I remembered that I drive a Honda Pilot, and I wasn't all that cool to begin with. And that minivan was some kind of luxurious. Nice comfy seat, kids getting all in and out without issue, spacious, and a smooth drive. I'm going to miss the old girl. 

Thanksgiving Edition.....

You guys, it's the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I don't have any time for this, and you don't have any time to read it, so I'm going to do us all a solid and keep it short, and sweet. Does anyone remember when "Thanksgiving Eve" was basically the biggest night of the year to go out? Yeah, neither do I. 


What's to drink...

We have a lot to be thankful for. So, a lot, that's what to drink. Cheers!

Decisions, decisions.

What's to eat....

You guys, you know what's to eat. Let us pray that the turkey isn't dry (or raw and inflicts a bad case of salmonella onto the family), the wine is flowing (if it's not at your house, you can come here, there is plenty), and there is no talk of politics or any other stupid shit. May your pants be elastic, and your leg be hollow. Gobble Gobble. 

Get ready to get your mashed potatoes and gravy on

Working on my Thanksgiving playlist....

I stole this idea from a friend's brother-in-law (thanks, Joe), and decided to make a playlist for the day. I included some very obvious songs about family, home, and being thankful, but I also threw in a few personal ones for my family members, all of whom I am very grateful to have in my life. Feel free to swipe the idea from me, as it wasn't my idea in the first place. I make it a point to hang around with smart people who are always thinking up good ideas. I'm no dummy. Here is the "Thanksgiving playlist that needs more songs but I don't have time, AND is a little eccentric, but so is everybody's family, so I think that works". 


Thank you - Led Zeppelin
Feels Like Home to me - Chantal Kreviazuk 
The Luckiest - Ben Folds Five
A life that's good - Nashville Cast
Jersey Girl - Bruce Springsteen
Thank you - Sly and the Family Stone
God only knows - Beach Boys
Thank you - Dido
I want to thank you - Otis Redding
You are the best thing - Ray LaMontagne
Thank you - Alanis Morissette
Thanks that was fun - Barenaked Ladies
Thank you - Bonnie Raitt
I thank you - Sam and Dave
Daughters - John Mayer
Home - One Direction
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Mother - Pink Floyd
Home - Phillip Phillips
My House - Flo Rida
Our House - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Home - Michael Buble
Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue
What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
Dancing in the Dark - From the "Home" Soundtrack
Home to Mama - Justin Bieber
Hometown - Twenty One pilots 
Home Is Such a Lonely Place - blink-182
Home/Dirty Paws - Gardiner Sisters
Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver
Heading Home - Gryffin
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
Family Tree - Kings of Leon

Crazy - Pasty Cline - Mams
Fields of Athenry - Paddy Reilly - Dad
Your song - Elton John - Tommy
Amazing Grace - Elvis Presley - Grams
Amazed - Lonestar - Kelly and Rich
This year's love - David Gray - Krissy and Jamie
Elephant love medley - From "Moulin Rouge" Soundtrack - Tracy
I will - Beatles - Patrick
Wonder - Natalie Merchant - Kelsey
Beautiful Boy - John Lennon - Ryan and Owen
Emma's Lullaby - Kenzie Nimmo - Emma


Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara 

P.S. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, even if you're like my husband, who skips the middle parts, and only reads the beginning and the end (because "those are the best parts, and I don't care about the wine and food crap"). I appreciate the love and support I get every week from this little project of mine. Happy, happy Thanksgiving, from this very grateful girl. 

What in the serious shit....

is the deal with packing up a family for a few days away? We are going away for 2 nights to Chicago, and the stuff that I have to pack, the thought that I have to put into planning, and the list that I have made, is just as much detailed as a week long vacation. You literally cannot go away with kids without it turning into some major production. I'm not complaining really, I'm more laughing at myself, and wondering, if, when our friends see the 4 of us, and the 10 bags we are rolling in with, they will be worried we are staying WAY longer than just the weekend. Don't worry you guys, it's just 48 hours, but we will be prepared for a variety of circumstances, including, but not limited to.... 

1. Drastic weather changes. 68 degrees in Chicago on Friday, and 42 degrees on Saturday, no worries, I'll just pack our entire spring and winter wardrobes. 
2. Allergic reactions, fevers, asthma, insomnia, anxiety. We've got something for everyone.
3. Mess of all varieties. Food, dirt, snot, urine, blood, unknowns. Check. 

There's more that I'll add to the spreadsheet, once I wrap up here. For the record, I used to be a whole lot cooler. 

What's to drink....

William Hill. That is what's to drink. Billy boy has got some smoooooothness to him. I've had it twice, and loved it both times. At $30 a bottle, this is one that you might want to pick up for Thanksgiving, but stash it away in a secret spot, for your consumption only, and serve the $12 bottles to guests. I promise, no one will ever know. Cheers!

William Hill Cabernet Sauvignon 2013

What's to eat....

This is another recipe from Skinnytaste. And another one that my whole family will eat. Bless you, Gina, the lady that runs Skinnytaste, bless you. Baked chicken parmesan was on the menu this week. My daughter took one look at this and said "oh, chicken pizza". So, I ran with it, and that's what it will be called in my house from here on out. You gotta admit, everything tastes better when you throw some sauce and cheese on it. I had my "chicken pizza" with a side of roasted (burnt to a crisp on purpose) brussels sprouts. My kids won't touch sprouts, so they got pasta. Easy, healthy, and everyone is happy. Thank you!

Baked Chicken Parmesan 

http://www.skinnytaste.com/baked-chicken-parmesan/

Working on my Thanksgiving....

I have the pleasure of hosting my family next week. I tend to get nutty, and lost in all the crazy of the holidays. I have to remind myself to stop and enjoy it, instead of burying myself in lists of things to do, and controlling the anxiety I feel every year about making a friggin' Christmas card. I'm not going to knock on anyone for putting love into the holiday card, but us insane-control-freak-card-maniacs need a bit of perspective, here and there. So, I went out and got me some. I decided that we should "up our giving", and I got involved in a few projects that have given me a big fat dose of much needed perspective, and a sense of being able to help out some people who need it. It feels good to be able to give, even if it's in a small way. With all the crap going on around us, putting some energy into showing kindness for others seems like a better way to spend some time. It is "Thanksgiving", after all. So, I'm hoping I can motivate someone else, the same way I was motivated. There are a lot of people out there that need help, and not just financially, some are only seeking support and prayers. And there are some good people running this stuff. I was able to get my kids involved in the process as well. If you have a hard time getting motivated to do it, I'll tell you this, it's much like going to church, therapy, and the gym. You may have a hard time getting there, and not really feel like going, but once you've done it, you'll never regret doing it. There is SO much good out there, good people, doing GOOD STUFF. Yes, I want to be part of that. I hope you do, too. Here's a few good ones, in case you need some ideas. 



https://www.samaritanspurse.org/what-we-do/operation-christmas-child/

http://togetherrising.org/holidayhands/

Look under "together letters", these are requests for letters of support and prayers.

http://ccrf.convio.net/site/TR?pg=fund&fr_id=1140&pxfid=10150

This one is a friend who throws a fundraising party every year to raise money for The Children's Cancer Research Fund. 

I'm telling you, good people, doing good stuff. 

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff.

XO
Tara


P.S. Dad, I love you. And now you've been mentioned. And I only swore once this time. 

Well, now that the shit storm of the election is over....

We can go back to our regularly scheduled program of talking about other stupid shit. One stupid shit I'd like to mention is the moron behind hacking into my Paypal and eBay accounts. I got a notification, while sitting in a doctor's office, with both kids in tow, that my "payment to Florida something or other" had been made with Paypal. I didn't remember ordering anything, so I went into my email, which had also sent me a ping, letting me know my eBay order was being processed. I was confused. I go to open up the email and see that a purple jelly rabbit vibrator has been ordered, off of Ebay, for $7.78, and will be shipping to my home address. I had a few thoughts about this...

1. I've been hacked.
2. Did Tommy buy me a vibrator?
3. Who buys a vibrator for $7.78 off of eBay?
4. Wait, is it used? That's gross.
5. Tommy better not have bought me a used, $7.78 vibrator, off of eBay.
6. I am going to need to make a phone call and say "vibrator" in front of my kids and a waiting room of parents, and small children.
7. You can't make this shit up. 

So, long story short, I was able to make a phone call and explain that I did not order any such (whispering, with my hand cupped over my mouth and phone) vibrator, and someone has clearly hacked my account. The woman at customer service assured me it would all be taken care of, and that I should change my passwords. Crisis averted, and I managed to do so without my children and a room full of parents thinking that I am some kind of sexual deviant. Except, fast forward a few days, and a package from "Florida something or other" ends up on my door. My initial reaction was to just throw it away, but I had to give it a look-see. And as promised, some nit wit, sent me a $7.78 purple vibrator that was not in any kind of protective plastic casing. So, I did what any other sensible person would do, and I threw it in with the recycling. I'm hoping it gets lost among the bottles and cans, and doesn't stick out like a purple penis sore thumb. If it does, my garbage men should get a real kick out of that. So, kudos to the moron, who found a way to successfully hack into my account, and then send ME something with my own money. Your Mother would be real proud. 

What's to drink....

My girl Kim has been all over with me, and she's been on the blog before, but THIS Kim is all dressed up for the holidays. Seeing this bottle got me really excited for the upcoming holiday season. It really is a special time of year, so I'm glad we get a special bottle, of one of my all-time favorite wines, to have on hand to share with family and friends.  I will be stockpiling this stuff. If there's a shortage in New Providence, you'll know who to blame. Cheers!

Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc looking all fancy-pants for the holidays

What's to eat....

It's crock pot season, which I find to be especially exciting, because it is the laziest form of cooking out there. Throw a bunch of shit in a pot and walk away? Yes, please. I really liked this recipe. I used less honey than it called for. I find the ketchup component to be sorta a throwback to the 70's, and it's a little trashy or something, but it works. Ketchup is delicious on burgers and french fries, but I feel like if you're throwing it into a recipe, the recipe loses some credibility. I guess I'm a bit of a ketchup snob, so to speak. And on that note, Heinz for the win. Other ketchup or, catsup (seriously, totally disgusting) are weird and strange. And it concerns me when I see other brands in people's houses. Makes me question their sanity. Anyway, this was a good one. If you have a husband or partner that doesn't mind you just serving meat, you can throw this at them. If you want to go that extra mile and microwave a pack of Trader Joe's white rice to go with it, you're a better person than me. 

Honey-Garlic Slow Cooker Chicken

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/236609/honey-garlic-slow-cooker-chicken-thighs/

Working on my fitness....

And finding the place where I am excited about being back in the gym. Last month was a rough one for me, I had some unexpected challenges, and for the first time, in a long time, I really lost my motivation to get to the gym and Crossfit. I went here and there, but my head and heart weren't really in it. Now, I'm looking at it from a learning perspective, and hoping that I can use my experience to be more understanding to myself, and others in the future. Sometimes we all need a break, and getting to the gym, or whatever outlet you prefer, is just too big a feat. And that's OK, because the thing that you don't have the energy for, or the motivation to do, will be waiting for you, with open arms, once you are ready. This week I finally feel like I am back to myself, in and out of the gym. I made myself the most ridiculously motivating playlist, and got my ass back to the place that I love, the place that brings me confidence, sanity, and strength, in body, and mind. The playlist made me a little weepy, but everything has the tendency to make me a little weepy. I just took it as another sign that things are going back to how they should be. I hope that if you are facing some hard stuff, and finding it hard to get to your place, you know to do yourself the favor and be kind to yourself, and remind yourself, that whatever it is, it will be waiting for you, when you are ready. This is a sappier post than usual, don't get used to it. 

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 

XO

Tara 

P.S. On the topic of stupid stuff..I'd like to give mention to another moron, who is the man that invented the stupid grocery carts with the kiddie car in the front. Hey guy, thanks for thinking this would be fun for the kids, but it's the LEAST helpful thing I deal with on a weekly basis. Moron-who-invented-this-thing, I have taken out multiple Entenmenn's displays, hit other shoppers (usually an elderly woman, who gives me a death stare, despite my profuse apologies), and I am concerned my daughter is going to suffer a traumatic head injury because I can never maneuver the thing out of the automatic doors of the place without crashing violently. Also, it's always very loud and rickety sounding, so on top of me careening through the store knocking shit all over the place, and injuring old ladies, I am also so overstimulated from all the noise that piece of shit car cart makes, I'm a wreck by the time I get out of the store. But because these things exist, and Kelsey doesn't seem to mind all the crashing and noise, I either contend with the car cart, or the wrath of my daughter, throwing herself all over the place, if we don't use the stupid cart. Thanks for nothing, guy. I hope you get yours.  

Holy crap, you guys....

This has been a whirlwind of a week in the Kali house. All in one week's time we have managed a family wedding, that half of us were in, Halloween, a call from school about eye rolling (I have no idea where he gets that from), and some kind of rash that was something out the movie "Outbreak" (to be clear, it was on Kels, not me). Somehow, we've managed it all, and we've walked out of the week with some good stuff....fantastic memories from an awesome wedding, a boat load of candy, some good life lessons (we all make mistakes, apologizing, AND forgiving, is a gift), and although it looked like some kind of leprosy or Ebola, Kelsey did not, in fact, end up shooting blood out of her eyes, as I feared she might do, at any given moment, and she is on the mend. Some may think that being a Registered Nurse is a helpful skill when raising kids. They are wrong. I can take care of someone else's kids just fine, but with mine I lose all reason, and jump to the most catastrophic place possible. And because I'm a Nurse, I have a head full of catastrophic knowledge. Somebody pass the xanax, please. Happy November.


What's to drink....

I didn't have a lot of time to try anything new this week. As I said, wedding, Halloween, Ebola, etc. got me all sorts of flustered. So, I figured I would stay honest about what I ACTUALLY drank this week. Weddings are all about the long haul, so I made the decision that sticking to light beer was probably my best bet at not making a total and complete ass of myself in front of my family being able to party like a much younger version of myself, for the whole night. I forgot how much I like this beer. It's got a little bite for being a light beer. I like a little bite, under the right circumstances. Anyway, there are 6 Amstels here. I drank them, times like 576. Weddings are so fun. This beer is good. Cheers!

                                              Amstel Light - The light beer with a little bite that will get you through a wedding without making an ass out of yourself, or get you to the point that you don't remember, anyway.

What's to eat....

This meal was all about convenience without eating like total garbage. Is it perfect, no, but it's easy as hell and better than just ordering a pizza, which I already did this week, twice, actually. The kiddos had the meatballs on the rolls, which I toasted. I threw them over arugula with a side of roasted cauliflower, you know, because I'm not a total animal. I didn't make any of this from scratch, but it's a fairly healthy meal, that took about 10 minutes to prepare, that my kids love, so that's a home run. My fave store bought kinds are below.

Turkey Meatballs over Arugula with a side of Roasted Cauliflower 

Buy all this stuff. Easiest dinner ever.

Working on my managing expectations....

This is a tough one, for everyone, I think. But wouldn't the world be a better, easier, place if we could all manage our expectations a little better. The wedding got me thinking about this, and of course I thought about it in regards to my own marriage, but that's a potential shit show for another day. This shit show is about my expectations for my kids, particularly, my 3 year-old, at this wedding. Kelsey was asked to be the flower girl. My new sis-in-law has a flair for the dramatic and picked out the largest flower girl dress anyone has ever seen. To give you an idea on size, I was carrying the dress through the hotel, with Kelsey walking by my side, and a woman stopped and asked ME if I was wearing it. So, big, red dress, complete with train and all, you get the picture. We talked to Kels for weeks about the wedding and her job. She was stoked. She kept saying "I'm going to walk down the island all by myself". We did the rehearsal. She did fabulous. Fast forward to the day of the wedding, she's up late the night before, she's had to sit to get her hair done, she FALLS ASLEEP 5 minutes away from the church. I got the dress on her and she was NOT pleased. And I was sweating profusely and panicking that she was going to pull a full-blown flip out, never less refuse to walk down the "island" by herself. Anyway, the time came to go, she started to walk toward the church doors, took one look at the crowd, retreated, and sat on the ground. I'll never forget that moment, her sitting in a pile of red tulle, refusing to walk, holding up the entire wedding. I wasn't sure what to do, and I didn't have a plan B. So I scooped her up, and awkwardly walked her down the aisle, all while trying not to trip, and trying to assure that my left boob didn't pop out of my low-cut shirt that was not meant for carrying a 45 lb kid, in a huge dress, down an aisle. It all worked out, but it would have been a little less anxiety provoking had I managed my expectations A LITTLE better.  Anyway, here we are, big dress, near wardrobe malfunction, in front of family, friends, and JC. I guess it could have been worse. 

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 

XO

Tara 

P.S. Happy birthday, Strist. 

So I guess this is the Halloween version....

I'm not a huge fan of the holiday, truth be told. I enjoy watching the kids and stuff, but I'm not one of these adults that gets REALLY into it. I'm not hating on it, I just don't really like the idea of being scared on purpose, or all these zombies, and clowns. What's with the clowns? With knives and bats? Don't these idiots have better things to be doing? I have enough problems in the middle of the night, being absolutely CONVINCED there is a murderer in the house. And I am tortured by the things that go bump in the night, thinking someone is coming for me and my whole family. All this while Tommy is in a near coma. This happens on a weekly to bi-weekly basis. This is why we cannot have a gun in the house. On one particular occasion, I had Tommy go check things out downstairs, and when he took too long (I swear he was gone like 2 full minutes, and I was calling for him with NO answer), I was convinced HE was killed, and I dialed 911, but then quickly hung up, remembering that I am a psycho, and it was probably nothing. This turned into a huge fiasco, as it was the middle of the night, in the dead of winter, but because I dialed 9-1-1, hit send, and then hung up, the police had to come out, and come into the house. And check on everyone upstairs. Including Patrick, who had woken up from the noise, went to go take a piss, and sees me, and a cop in the hallway. Mother-of-the-year. "Don't worry honey, everything is fine, this nice cop and his snow-filled-boots are just checking out the place, go back to bed". And Tommy, once he had returned from his reconnaissance mission, which apparently included stopping for a SNACK, (all while I'm upstairs thinking he's being maimed), threw his hands up in the air, and retreated to bed, once I told him I dialed 911 because he was taking too long, and I thought he was dead. Tommy was especially delighted when the cop shined his flashlight into our bedroom to check for signs of life. Tommy gave the thumbs up and the officer was on his way. Also, I definitely didn't have a bra on through this whole thing. So, this is enough of the scaring for me. But I don't want to be a killjoy, so I'll put my own neuroses aside (momentarily) and do this as festively as possible. 

What's to drink....

While I do not support clowns with knives, zombies, home intruders, and other scary stuff on Halloween, I do stand firmly with the idea of drinking on Halloween. This seems fitting for the occasion, and when I read the bottle says "mysterious and hauntingly seductive", I had a good laugh because it sounds more like a romance novel than a bottle of wine, but the giggle sold me, and I'm glad it did. Cheers!

Phantom - Cali Red by Bogle Vineyards

What's to eat AND Working on my things that relax me at the same time....

This is going to be a 2-for-1 kinda thing. I saw this recipe online and thought, "hey, I can do that". I don't bake much or make desserts. The baking thing makes me nervous because it's so specific or scientific, and if you miss one ingredient the whole thing is shot. This is too much pressure for me, as evidenced below. Anyway, upon making these cute little things I found that I really enjoyed painting the graham crackers with chocolate. It was very relaxing. "Oh", I thought to myself, "this is kinda soothing, yes, I like painting with the chocolate". Then I realized I have actually lost my mind. But, the kids loved them, and I'm OK fooling them into thinking I'm one of those crafty-baking-type Moms. My Mom, who bakes the hell out of stuff, is not so easily fooled. When she saw them, the convo went like this.

Mams: "What's the stick made out of, can you eat it?"
Me: (Thinking what in the hell, she's lost her mind, too) "It's wood, Ma, like a popsicle stick." 
Mams: (Looking doubtful or maybe disappointed) "Oh, a lot of people use pretzels and stuff for the stick, so you can eat that, too."

Apparently, I'm not fooling my Mom with this witchery of mine. She's less impressed than my kids, turning her nose up at my wood stick. I told her she could technically eat the stick, but it probably wouldn't taste very good. Anyway, here's my version, I opted for Halloween sprinkles instead of painting a monster face. I don't want to get ahead of myself.
So the moral of the story is, painting with chocolate is relaxing, so is laughing, which I did at myself, when I looked back at this recipe, and realized I forgot the coconut oil. Both times I made it. 

Ghetto version of Halloween S'mores Pops. Real version below.

http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a49584/hocus-pocus-inspired-smores-pops-recipe/

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff.

XO

Tara 

P.S. Happy almost wedding day to my BIL, Timmy, and his soon-to-be-wife, Tiff. May your life together be filled with happiness, health, laughter, and a shit load of patience. 

Thank you so much....

For being so cool about my needing a week off last week. You guys are really the sweetest. I even had someone ACTUALLY deliver wine to me. Seriously, I'm the luckiest. So let's get back to this shit already.

What's to drink....

Let's be honest here, people. It's unseasonably warm in NJ, so we may as well take advantage of it, and get drunk make a refreshing cocktail before we are all freezing our fucking asses off. Winter is coming (no, I do not watch that dragon shit) so let's get our drink on, summer style while we still can. Cheers!

Tito's Vodka with Club Soda and Muddled Navel Oranges

(Isn't my witch the cutest?)

What's to eat....

This one needs a few disclaimers.

1. If you don't like spicy shit do not make and eat this.
2. If you suffer from any type of heartburn or reflux, this may actually kill you.
3. If you like spicy, it's fucking delicious.


Now that the legal matters are taken care of, I can also tell you this recipe is so stupid easy to make, which works out well for me, because I haven't been cooking much the last few weeks. Basically, Tommy has been coming home from work and there has been meat. And nothing else. "What's for dinner". Chicken. Literally. Either my husband is a good sport, or he's a smart enough man to know, when I'm not at my best, to keep his mouth shut about missing parts of meals. This dish must have been a pleasant surprise for him because there are actually some veggies in it. I know he would have been happier if I served it over rice. I would have stabbed him if he mentioned it. So, it worked out for us both. 

Cheesy Mexican Skillet (I only used 1/2 cup of cheese, Tommy didn't mention that either, again, still alive)

http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a49021/cheesy-mexican-skillet-recipe/


Working on my "Divorce"....

Seems like a totally normal segue (I thought it was segway but that's that stupid machine for lazy fucking people who don't want to walk, who knew). Anyway, now that I have your attention, I don't mean my divorce, I mean the show "Divorce". I do wonder if Tommy's heart sunk a little when reading this. After all that stabbing talk and stuff he may have been relieved. Sorry dude, no papers for us this week. Everybody that's married knows to put the contingency statement in there because we all know things can go south REAL quick. You know what I'm talking about, everything seems easy breezy, and things are running as smoothly as things run when you're living with another animal human who doesn't have the same need to pick up socks as you, or the affinity to leave every light on in the house (me), and then SMACK, the smack being the actual shit hitting the fan, and the everything was running so (pretty much) smoothly is squashed to total, utter, shit. You know you've been there. Like, wow, that was a fast decline into the depths of hell. You're not alone, people. This show isn't exactly like that but it had me hooked at SJP secretly throwing up a middle finger at her husband after a particularly funny interaction. I love the middle finger. I don't recommend it's use in marriage, but I won't lie and say I'm not guilty of the occasional behind-the-back-finger-flip-off. I think I'm going to start using it more openly, I think we all should. Nothing like saying "go fuck yourself" without actually SAYING "go fuck yourself". It's brilliant. Double finger, even better. GFY X 2. Love it and love the show. Check it out. 

Wishing you ALL the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara

P.S.  I was reminded again today, by the universe, that progress is not linear. This reminder came in the form of my 3 year-old being asked to leave school early, after she scratched two kids, and punched another. On a positive note, I think I can be assured that picking her up is going to be the most mortifying part of my day, but then again, one never knows. One day at a time, breathe in, breathe out, God grant me the serenity, wine, repeat. 

To my dearest 6 (this might be a stretch) followers, 

I regret to inform you that we will be taking a break from our regularly scheduled program. I hope this break is only for this week, but I'm not making any promises. You see, my 6(ish) followers, I have written 23 weeks in a row, and while I know nobody really gives a flying fuck if I write or not, I felt it necessary to explain. I need a break this week, and I hope you'll forgive me, but I don't blame you if you don't. I plan on berating the shit out of myself over it. I'm kidding. Kinda. 

The truth is, I have misplaced my "funny". I hope just temporarily. I am sure it will return at some point, but it has seemed to have left the building for the time being. I can assure you that I am actively looking for it, in everything, and when I do find it, you will be the first to know. I am sure it is going to turn up soon. It fucking better. 

In the meantime, eat and drink all the good stuff. And....


Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 


XO
Tara

A little late to the game this week....

A girl has got to work, and by working this morning, I mean dividing my time between being a nurse, and worrying about writing my blog. I had so much anxiety about being late to publish this bullshit. Apparently, I still need to work on being a little less rigid, and I need to be reminded that nobody really gives a flying fuck. See, I feel better already. 


What's to drink....

Pink bubbles??? Don't mind if I do. I'm going to stand by my advocacy for the case of champagne and sparkling wine being perfectly suitable for every day drinking. I mean, maybe not every single day, but as far as I can tell we don't NEED a reason to celebrate. Life can be tough, and there will be weeks it will feel like life has kicked you in the tits. This will make you feel better. Nurse's orders. Cheers.

Chandon Rosé - Cali

What's to eat....
Apparently there is some big debate between the chili connoissuers of the world about whether or not beans belong in chili. You do whatever you like, but I'm not giving the 3 people I live with, who all happen to be big fans of passing gas, any more ammunition, so to speak. I have high hopes that the GIRL will grow out of this phase. I have no such hope for the other 2 animals. Farts are gross. This chili is good. 

Smokin' Scoville's Turkey Chili (sans habenero, hot chocolate (WTF), and beans)

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/84760/smokin-scovilles-turkey-chili/

Working on my new laws of Facebook....

I love social media, but Facebook has been really pissing me off lately. If I were Mark Zuck these would be the new laws of the land.

1. Cut the shit with the political posts. Our impending reality is bad enough and I don't need constant reminders of that fact. Don't you people know, Facebook is not for real life.

2. Professions of true, tender, sweet, undying love need not apply. I'm either going to choke on my own vomit or jump off my roof. Potentially both. At the same time. Stop it, or prepare to die. 

3. Vague-booking. "Something good is happening" or "Something bad is happening". Either way, I ain't biting. 

4. Crazy anti-vaccination nut bags. It's your choice (and we can agree to disagree) but please don't push your agenda and your pertussis onto me and my kids. 

5. Constant complaining/airing of dirty laundry/passive-aggressive jabs. This kinda shit is on a whole other level of fucked up. Cut it out, we are all rolling our eyes at you, AND we think you're a lunatic. 

This is just my top 5. Please people, post your pics, your favorite recipes, your blog that 6 people read, but for the love of all that is good and holy, cut that other shit out. 

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff.

XO
Tara

PS - You know I'm kidding about the Facebook laws. Sorta. 

Congratulations are in order....

I visited the Social Security Administration yesterday because I can't find my God damn social security card and since I'm a working woman, I need a replacement. So, my number was called, and I proceeded to the window and explained that I needed a new card. I filled out all necessary paperwork and was informed that the peeps at Social Security still have me as Tara Shannon. Soooo, I guess I forgot to change my name. I forgot for 11.5 years. The lady asked if I'd like to change my name and after a few seconds of hemming and hawing, I decided to go for it. So, I'm officially a Kali. 11.5 years later. I hope this doesn't jinx us, Tommy. Oh good Christ. 

What's to drink....

LOOK AT THIS PRETTY BOTTLE, you guys. I had my friend, Kate, over for dinner this past weekend. Her hubs was away, so we did as we often do, and combined forces. I'll make this, you bring that, the kids will leave us the fuck alone play together, and we can drink this lovely wine. It's an all around power move and everybody wins. Kate brought this one and we both loved it. Did we share any with Tom? I can't remember, but we did feed him, we're not total savages. This bottle is equally as pretty as it is special (much like my friend Kate). It's a little pricey ($35) but sometimes a good bottle of wine and the joining of forces makes for a perfect Saturday night. Watch out for Sunday morning, though. That'll bite you right in the ass. Cheers!

Octopoda Cabernet Sauvignon 2014 - Napa Valley

What's to eat....

I am a big fan of periodically using hyperboles to get a point across, but I find it especially funny when I see someone actually advertise their thing as "the best (blank) on the planet". There is a diner close to here that has a sign toting "THE WORLD'S BEST PANCAKES". Shit, that's a bold statement. Those pancakes MUST be legit. Actually, I've been there. I've tasted them. They were pretty good. Best in the world may be a stretch. So this week's recipe was made soley on the premise that it's name caught my attention (and I kinda assumed it to be bullshit). Here it is, folks, "The Best Garlic Shrimp in the Whole Wide World". Much like the best pancakes in the world, these were pretty damn good. Best ever? Let's not get fucking crazy here. 

The Best Garlic Shrimp in the Whole Wide World (or as I like to call it, pretty good garlic shrimp)

http://www.food.com/recipe/the-best-garlic-shrimp-in-the-whole-wide-world-47515

Working on my not giving a flying fuck....

You guys, this is an ACTUAL book, with ACTUAL amazing advice, and the guy ACTUALLY says fuck WAY more than I do. The premise of this book is based on the idea that our society, as a whole, is told to believe more is more. That we NEED more of everything to be happy...And in comes Mark Manson to tell us that we have it all wrong. My man Mark, who appreciates the word "fuck" more than anyone I know, says "the key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it's giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important". I LOVE THIS. Mainly because I, like a lot of you animals, can get wrapped up in a whole bunch of bullshit that doesn't fucking matter. I can absolutely get myself into an anxiety-fueled-tizzy about some stupid ass shit. I'll be the first to admit it. Mark says I should stop doing that. I agree, Mark.  It also points out that our pain, suffering, and all around negative experiences are GOOD because they will force us to adapt, to change, to protect ourselves from doing whatever stupid shit we were doing to cause ourselves pain the first place.  This guy is a fucking genius. This book is fucking awesome. My Mom is going to hate all this use of the word fuck. 

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff.

XO

Tara 

P.S. If you are a person, such as myself, that does not metabolize garlic well, I would go easy on "the best garlic shrimp in the whole wide world". I have run into unfortunate situations where my inability to metabolize garlic has 1. Shown up at the gym the next day, like as in garlic sweat. 2. Got me and a friend actually kicked out of my Mom's house after a night of drinking and eating a white cheese and garlic pizza. My Mom said the smell was making her sick. She said we needed to leave. I'm not making this up.