You know, when I first had a child I assumed that one day I would sleep again. I was wrong. For you seasoned veteran parents, I know you know what I'm talking about. My children are 9 and almost 4, which means that I have not gone a full week without being woken up at night in.... 9 years. We do have some good nights here and there, but at least a few nights of the week someone is waking me up because of a bad dream, or a wet pull-up, an "I hear something", or sometimes just to say hi because they got up to take a wiz. As you can imagine, I am particularly thrilled when the for-no-good-reason-drop-in-to-say-hi at 2:16 am occurs. And while all this waking in the night happens on the regular, I feel compelled to tell you two things about it that I feel are a common sentiment for us Mommy folk. 

1. I fucking hate it. 
2. I'm pretty sure my husband has no idea.

In the case of #2, that is a "most of the time" thing. Like say, 98% of the time. He has no clue. And they never go to him for anything, or to say hi at 3:47 am. I don't get it. But I WILL give credit, where credit is deserved, because on Monday morning, at 1:30 am, when there was a loud crashing sound coming from downstairs, my husband DID wake, and I DID send him down to potentially get murdered investigate what I thought MAY have been a deranged killer that crashed through one of our windows. It ends up, it was JUST our Christmas tree plowing into our dining room table. But, if it WAS a deranged killer that crashed through the windows, it would have been on Tommy to deal with it. I figure it's only fair since I deal with the other 98% of middle of the night happenings. The most important thing being that our Christmas tree, Tommy, and our marriage survived. For now. 


What's to drink....

I mean, what girl on this earth doesn't love a good accessory? And this old time favorite comes with it's own winter jacket! Seriously, the French are so fancy. Veuve Clicquot's "ice jacket" with nifty handle will keep your bottle of bubbly cold, for up to 2 hours. It's stylish, functional, and delicious. The only thing I don't love, it's going to run you about $45. I'm trying to figure out if it's tacky to use the ice jacket for other bottles. I'd hate to walk into a party and have it come to a screeching halt, because everyone is so excited I've brought a good bottle of champagne, only to find out it's some kind of shitty sparkling wine. I'm going to have to think on that one more. In the meantime, treat yourself and your guests to a bottle of Veuve and it's fancy french ice jacket. Cheers! 

Veuve Clicquot

What's to eat....

I said that I'm not going to do a lot of cooking this month, but I figured I had to do some. The idea was, what can I come up with that is healthy, delicious, and just a bunch of shit I could throw into one pot. Enter the "egg roll in a bowl". This was super easy, quick, and delish. It's a paleo recipe, for you cave people, but I used regular soy sauce, because that coconut aminos shit isn't soy sauce, and soy sauce is good. I will not lie, and say you won't miss the crunchy, fried, wonton, because I would absolutely be blowing smoke up your ass, but your jeans will be happier with this version. Enjoy. 

Egg Roll in a Bowl - I did not realize this was a shitty picture. Sorry, tastes better than it looks. 

http://paleofoodiekitchen.com/2016/09/eggroll-in-a-bowl/

Working on my winter must haves....

'Tis the season for celebrating, eating, and drinking but with all that good stuff comes some not so good stuff. Here are a few antidotes for the season that will, if it hasn't already, beat on your body.

Between the forced air heat, the salty treats, and booze, my skin is basically at a point that it's cracking and going to fall off completely. This stuff is cheap as hell and works like a charm. Slap some on your body. You'll love. 

This is quite possibly the least sexy thing I've ever written about, but it works. So I feel like I should tell you guys. I've been using this stuff and it has kept me from getting sick, AND when I did get sick, it was for like 3 days instead of 7 or 10. I am a little concerned that it's some kind of gateway drug or something...or that I may become addicted. I once used nasal spray to quit smoking, it was quite weird, because I wasn't smoking, but I was shooting myself up with nasal spray an awful lot. This is not like that, but it will burn the hell out of your nose. The negatives WAY outweigh being sick. If you see me on the streets using this, I will retract my statement, for now, I'm going with it. Also, I realize I am jinxing myself and I will be on death's door tomorrow. 

And last, but not least, for your corpse skin, is Loreal's pure clay masks. I've only used the detox and brighten one so far, but I really like it. It's less than $10 and will make your skin look and feel like you haven't been downing soy sauce and expensive French Champagne. I especially enjoy slapping this stuff on, walking downstairs, and scaring the shit out of my kids. Good for my pores, easy on my wallet, and keeps my kids on their toes.

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara 

PS - I realize this looks like an ad for a bunch of products. It's not. Nobody wants to pay a foul-mouthed person to promote their stuff. Total crock of shit.