You guys, this elf on the shelf bullshit. I am STRUGGLING this year. Actually, scratch that, I struggle with it every year. I love the IDEA of the elf, and I love watching my kids look for our elf, "Bob", every morning. However, I DO NOT love waking up, in the middle of the night, to a full-blown panic attack, because I cannot remember if I moved the stupid fucking elf. It's a busy time of year, and I'm juggling a lot at one time, so it's easy to see how I could forget to move the thing, since I have so much other stuff going on, and also, wine. It's a perfect storm of events for me and the elf. I've also come to notice, that much like birthing a child, having the capability to move the elf falls solely on the adult figure in the home who possesses a vagina. I know my husband is aware of the elf's existence, but I'm not entirely sure if he realizes that it's not actually magical, and I am the one to move Bob's ass every night. I wonder how many people bring up the elf in marriage counseling. I can see how it's a real source of resentment and contention. Ten more nights of this thing ruining my life, and my marriage. Ten. More. Nights. 

What's to drink (and eat)....

You guys are on your own this week with food and drink. I ate a bag of beef jerky for dinner two nights ago. True story. Cheers!

Working on my blog (or not)....

Since this blog is my own "business", and I am HBIC (head bitch in charge), I am shutting down shop for the remainder of the year. Maybe I'll do some soul-searching about what I want for IPOATGS (In pursuit of all the good stuff, this website, and the worst acronym, ever). Maybe I'll start a vision board, or set some goals for 2017. Or maybe I'll just eat, drink, enjoy my family, and all the good stuff that Christmas brings. I hope you do the same. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year, you animals. Thank you for reading. I appreciate it, more than you could ever know. 

Wishing you ALL the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara

P.S. To the lady in the Acme parking lot, who I saw climbing into AND over her passenger seat/side of the car, because the car next to hers was parked so close that she couldn't get into the driver's side, I am so sorry. I am totally willing to admit that I am that asshole, although I am really hoping you are some out-of-towner, who was just really compelled to visit the New Providence Acme on a Wednesday afternoon. Happy holidays. 

You know, when I first had a child I assumed that one day I would sleep again. I was wrong. For you seasoned veteran parents, I know you know what I'm talking about. My children are 9 and almost 4, which means that I have not gone a full week without being woken up at night in.... 9 years. We do have some good nights here and there, but at least a few nights of the week someone is waking me up because of a bad dream, or a wet pull-up, an "I hear something", or sometimes just to say hi because they got up to take a wiz. As you can imagine, I am particularly thrilled when the for-no-good-reason-drop-in-to-say-hi at 2:16 am occurs. And while all this waking in the night happens on the regular, I feel compelled to tell you two things about it that I feel are a common sentiment for us Mommy folk. 

1. I fucking hate it. 
2. I'm pretty sure my husband has no idea.

In the case of #2, that is a "most of the time" thing. Like say, 98% of the time. He has no clue. And they never go to him for anything, or to say hi at 3:47 am. I don't get it. But I WILL give credit, where credit is deserved, because on Monday morning, at 1:30 am, when there was a loud crashing sound coming from downstairs, my husband DID wake, and I DID send him down to potentially get murdered investigate what I thought MAY have been a deranged killer that crashed through one of our windows. It ends up, it was JUST our Christmas tree plowing into our dining room table. But, if it WAS a deranged killer that crashed through the windows, it would have been on Tommy to deal with it. I figure it's only fair since I deal with the other 98% of middle of the night happenings. The most important thing being that our Christmas tree, Tommy, and our marriage survived. For now. 


What's to drink....

I mean, what girl on this earth doesn't love a good accessory? And this old time favorite comes with it's own winter jacket! Seriously, the French are so fancy. Veuve Clicquot's "ice jacket" with nifty handle will keep your bottle of bubbly cold, for up to 2 hours. It's stylish, functional, and delicious. The only thing I don't love, it's going to run you about $45. I'm trying to figure out if it's tacky to use the ice jacket for other bottles. I'd hate to walk into a party and have it come to a screeching halt, because everyone is so excited I've brought a good bottle of champagne, only to find out it's some kind of shitty sparkling wine. I'm going to have to think on that one more. In the meantime, treat yourself and your guests to a bottle of Veuve and it's fancy french ice jacket. Cheers! 

Veuve Clicquot

What's to eat....

I said that I'm not going to do a lot of cooking this month, but I figured I had to do some. The idea was, what can I come up with that is healthy, delicious, and just a bunch of shit I could throw into one pot. Enter the "egg roll in a bowl". This was super easy, quick, and delish. It's a paleo recipe, for you cave people, but I used regular soy sauce, because that coconut aminos shit isn't soy sauce, and soy sauce is good. I will not lie, and say you won't miss the crunchy, fried, wonton, because I would absolutely be blowing smoke up your ass, but your jeans will be happier with this version. Enjoy. 

Egg Roll in a Bowl - I did not realize this was a shitty picture. Sorry, tastes better than it looks. 

http://paleofoodiekitchen.com/2016/09/eggroll-in-a-bowl/

Working on my winter must haves....

'Tis the season for celebrating, eating, and drinking but with all that good stuff comes some not so good stuff. Here are a few antidotes for the season that will, if it hasn't already, beat on your body.

Between the forced air heat, the salty treats, and booze, my skin is basically at a point that it's cracking and going to fall off completely. This stuff is cheap as hell and works like a charm. Slap some on your body. You'll love. 

This is quite possibly the least sexy thing I've ever written about, but it works. So I feel like I should tell you guys. I've been using this stuff and it has kept me from getting sick, AND when I did get sick, it was for like 3 days instead of 7 or 10. I am a little concerned that it's some kind of gateway drug or something...or that I may become addicted. I once used nasal spray to quit smoking, it was quite weird, because I wasn't smoking, but I was shooting myself up with nasal spray an awful lot. This is not like that, but it will burn the hell out of your nose. The negatives WAY outweigh being sick. If you see me on the streets using this, I will retract my statement, for now, I'm going with it. Also, I realize I am jinxing myself and I will be on death's door tomorrow. 

And last, but not least, for your corpse skin, is Loreal's pure clay masks. I've only used the detox and brighten one so far, but I really like it. It's less than $10 and will make your skin look and feel like you haven't been downing soy sauce and expensive French Champagne. I especially enjoy slapping this stuff on, walking downstairs, and scaring the shit out of my kids. Good for my pores, easy on my wallet, and keeps my kids on their toes.

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara 

PS - I realize this looks like an ad for a bunch of products. It's not. Nobody wants to pay a foul-mouthed person to promote their stuff. Total crock of shit. 

It's the last month of 2016....

WHERE the hell did THAT go? The years seem to be speeding up exponentially over here. It's such a strange phenomenon to experience time at warp speed once you're over the age of 30 something. I (hopefully, fingers crossed, I don't want to jinx myself) get to celebrate another birthday this month, but more importantly, we have Christmas to look forward to, and two days AFTER Christmas is Kelsey's 4th birthday. I feel like I'm on drugs. It was JUST summer, my baby was JUST a baby, I was, like 32 years-old, like 3 weeks ago. Sorta, kinda. I'm appreciative that there is not much time to dwell on another year passing by so fast. There is too much to be done, magic to be made, and lots of good stuff to look forward to in the next month. I hope you're not freaking out about the impending new year. As they say, it beats the shit out of the alternative.

What' to drink....

I realize it may not be gin and tonic season, but I've never been one to discriminate against alcohol, just because it's not the right time of year. It's always the right time, as far as I'm concerned. This gin, you guys, I want to douse myself in this stuff. It smells so good, so floral and lovely. While I don't mind the off-season G & T, I don't really love all the sugar in the tonic, so I do a little splash of tonic AND a splash of club. It cuts the sweetness, and cuts the calories, which we could all use this time of year, so that we may spend said saved calories on some other delicious shit. Throw in a lime or lemon, and you have a phenomenal drink that you can enjoy at any time of the day year. Up side to drinking tonic, you won't get malaria. I see no reason to not imbibe. It's good for your health, after all. Cheers!

The Botanist Gin

What's to eat....

In keeping up with the holiday hustle and bustle, I think I'm going to designate this month's food portions to holiday appetizer/short-cuts/holy shit this stuff is so good, kinda things. I'm going to do my BEST to keep things really simple all around this month. So, imagine this stuff, some really great crackers or pita chips, a wheel of brie, and me, in absolute heaven. I try to have this on hand around the holidays because it's got a little something for everyone. It's got a kick, so if you don't like spicy, go easy. For me, I like just enough to have my eyes tearing, but not so much that I am going into full-blown cardiac arrest. Trader Joe's has so many good finds. This is one of them. 

Trader Joe's Hot and Sweet Chili Jam

Working on my Thanksgiving Recap/Theories....

I know we have moved onto bigger and better things, here, but I think there are a few things worth mentioning for the future. 

1. Best Turkey recipe - Goes to Martha Stewart. My turkey came out damn good. This is no surprise as you baste the bird with a mix of 3 sticks of butter and an entire bottle of wine. The smell alone had me all hot and bothered. It's good stuff. If you need a new turk recipe. This is it. 
http://www.marthastewart.com/353184/perfect-roast-turkey 

2. I shouldn't bake. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I always forget ONE thing. This year's thing...I forgot to peel the friggin' apples for the apple crisp. It's not SO bad, I guess, but it kinda had a chokey texture to it. Like the peels were coming off before you chewed it completely, and it may or may not cause some variation of asphyxiation at any point in time. The ice cream helped a bit, but it was definitely an "eat-at-your-own-risk" kinda situation.

3. My Grandmother makes better gravy than you. That's right, my Gram. This lady showed up to my house on Thanksgiving, all ready to be put to work. Her and my Mother helped me, tremendously. But this gravy thing is her best work. It's a thing of beauty. I explained to her that she is not allowed to die, ever, because we will never eat good gravy again. She is happy to comply. 

Moral of the story, wine and butter make everything better. I could have killed someone with my apple crisp, and I should probably stick to buying baked goods. Grandmas are the BEST, and Thanksgiving, like life, is not a one man show. 

Wishing you ALL of the Good Stuff. 

XO
Tara 


P.S. I drove a loaner minivan for a week, while my car was in the shop. I found myself driving 10 mph over the speed limit, and taking turns at a fast clip to compensate for the "un-coolness" of the whole thing. Then I remembered that I drive a Honda Pilot, and I wasn't all that cool to begin with. And that minivan was some kind of luxurious. Nice comfy seat, kids getting all in and out without issue, spacious, and a smooth drive. I'm going to miss the old girl.